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Interviewer: We haven't seen you about as much today? Are you just over confident?
Well with work, online gaming, and other such personal commitments my time per day during the week will be about 2-3 hours max. Of course, this gives me ample time to ready the secret weapon! ... But alas, I've said too much...

Interviewer: *badly dubbed laugh* Secret weapon? Eh? Your kidding right?
Am I? Or perhaps it's true...

Interviewer Looking a bit bleary-eyed and worse for the weather at work today... how are you feeling?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking. I usually survive on about 5 hours of sleep, so the 3 I did manage to get will suffice for now. I will probably have a serious energy slump at about 3pm today, though. I'll aim to have some chocolate or something at 2:30.

Interviewer Are you feeling up to a couple of questions?

Hit me.

Interviewer When the bragging started, you originally said you would have no time for a game this week, but we have seen you here almost as much as any of the other contenders. What's up with that?

Well, I do in fact have a lot on at work at the moment. But I must admit that the challenge aspect of this competition got me all fired up. So at first it was "just watch". Then it was "Well if the ideas fire your synapses, maybe." Then it was "Everyone has a real life, and they are all doing it... you can do a quick short desert game in a day." Now I find myself designing a full on three course meal with all the trimmings, and wondering if I have the time to shove in cheese platter and an after dinner mint. I guess the challenge got me.

Interviewer Thanks for that. So what is your feeling about the rest of the meals on display?

These people are good. Each and every game so far has got something neat or cool or just plain bloody amazing in it. And though I don't know any of them personally (except Anomaly, who is a lifelong friend of mine and who totally rocks, by the way) I have to say that it is a privelage to take part in the same arena.

Interviewer Aren't you laying it on a bit thick there? Is that the lack of sleep talking?

I'm serious dude. Look at this stuff. We got everything from Sumarian Roaches to the Son of God, with Wine-y French on the way. Totally Rocks, man. Now excuse me, I have to get back to maintaining an online sharetrading website. Gotta earn a crust before I can make a feast.

Interviewer Thanks again. Well, let's see who else we can grab...

Interviewer Who the heck are you?

Well, I'm just this guy, you know? I entered the last Iron Game Chef challenge and my entry is here if you want to look at it:



Interviewer Hmm...looks pretty avant-garde. So why is your current entry so pedestrian?

What? You mean Glow Bugs? Yeah, I admit it's not that original especially when you got Entomology for an ingredient.

Interviewer Are you kidding? It's utter tripe!

Well, it was just an idea. I was hoping to add some cool stuff to it. Maybe I....

Interviewer Yeah, right. Well, anyway, I got some more interviews to do....

Interviewer The competition is fierce here in kitchen stadium tonight. What makes you think that you have a chance to win this competition?

While I acknowledge that I am a newcomer, I think I have the advantage of offering dishes that will present the judges with familiar and comfortable flavors while at the same time approaching them from a new direction that brings a very different meaning to the end results.

Interviewer Now, you tipped your hand quite early in the game and have since made few updates. Do you think this strategy will be successful?

Well, I am not sure. I believe that there are two ways in which people generally work. Some operate methodically and complete a process from start to finish. Others, however, receive their inspiration in short bursts and must take advantage of this when the opportunity arises. I find that I am definitely in the latter camp and so must take the chance to progress when I can.

Interviewer I have noticed that some of the flavors that you are preparing for your dish, Malleus Maleficarum, are quite bitter, and some might even say "challenging" to the taste. Do you think the judges might dislike your cuisine because of this choice?

Well, I leave that for the judges to decide. As to why I chose these bitter flavors? Well, I find that these flavors are present in much of the food we eat, even if we often mistake them for something else or try to ignore them completely. You only need three basic ingredients create a very similar flavor in any dish: A competitive, high-pressure, social network, a means for ostracization, and a catalyst that upsets the status quo.

This dish is about the outcast as a universal figure. The concept of the witch is nearly universal to the human condition across all cultures. The social network could be middle school, high society, or any type of political system, for example. The form of ostracization could be exile (literal or figurative), disempowerment, or death, for example. The catalyst is any event which presents an opportunity to change the power dynamic within the social network.

Utimately I will attempt to provide universal flavors that we all understand and experience in our own lives in a specific context that allows us to explore them unmasked in all their brutal glory. I present this without any internal mechanism of judgement or morality because it is precisely this lack that is critical to such a dish reaching full flavor. This is a game that is played to win. Do some people find this a satisfying culinary pursuit? This question is not for me to answer. We shall see when the contest is over.

Interviewer: So, Tuesday, bit late, huh?

Yeah. Didn't have access till Monday. Won't have access this weekend either. So I have till Friday. So bye.[/b]

Interviewer: Given that you waltzed in, delivered an entry, then left, all in one day, are you really taking this seriously?

Certainly more than one day was involved, ideas simmering. But true art doesn't require time, it requires inspiration, and that is the impossible ingredient many chefs will be most struggling with.

Interviewer: How do you respond to accusations that your attitude smacks of being a prima donna?

Excuse me, I don't do interviews with people wearing beige. Ciao.

Interviewer You are being great muscular RUSSIAN Game Chef. Are you afraid of all smaller Game Chef of other country?

No, I think they may try very hard, but in the last part it will be GREAT RUSSIAN designer who is winning award!

Interviewer However, there are many of the game here! Are there any that make you think, "Nikolai, this game is GOOD. You may win, but it will be very hard to be beating this game!"

I making the face of TRUTH when I say, "I am thinking all game ideas here are very good. They have much passion, like RUSSIAN for vodka or hard work. They have many the good ideas in them. I look on each game, and I am impressed." It will only have to be waiting until the end to be deciding.

But I am confident that trophy will go to MOTHER RUSSIA!!!

Interviewer I see your game, JESUS CHRIST THE ROLEPLAYING GAME, and I think that you choose this title to shock people.

Yes, I shock people with title, but no more than shock with REVERSE PILEDRIVER or RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP. It make you think, "I am shock!!!", but in end you say, "Yet, in the end I say it is magnificient!" The game is no small America South Park joke- There is GREAT PURPOSE behind design, and CAREFUL TREATMENT of GREAT SUBJECT. It will be the game suitable for all good roleplayers. Even roleplayers who aren't RUSSIAN.

InterviewerGood morning. What are you doing here at this hour?

My cats woke me.

Interviewer... So ... planning on any early morning cullinary treats?

You are a bit of a social chameleon, aren't you.

InterviewerI beg your pardon?

Well, when you were talking to that Russian chap just now, you started to talk in his accent.

InterviewerRiiight.... as I was saying...

I just think you are lucky that he didn't think you were making fun of him. You know, 200 kilograms of solid frozen Siberian muscle can really make a very flat impression on a man.

InterviewerI ... that is... um

Hey, look! He's coming back!

Where are you going?

Hey... You guys, you might want to cut to a commercial or something.

Interviewer: Ellers da? Åssen henger'n?

Jo da, kan'ke annet enn å klage.

Fått noe særlig respons på spillet ditt'a?

Ikke en skit, gitt. Alle disse utlendingene er noen skikkelige åndspygméer.

Hymn To Red October (Voctober) plays in the background

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