1KM1KT Free RPG Community

[Edit - So I can work out where I am, I will edit the posts and mark things I've done. I hope you don't mind, Viz, it makes my life a lot easier! - Rob L]
Greetings,

I'm hoping that I can help out develop this great game by providing some feedback/input/suggestions...

DISCLAIMER: This is a list of corrections/suggestions/edits/ideas. Please don't take this as critisism, I'm mearly trying to help improve on the tremendous amount of work thats already done. Also, this is only a small chunk, after going through the first 15 pages or so, I began to realize that using a text file isn't the most efficient way of marking up these documents. I would HIGHLY suggest that we continue to use PDF format for comments and markup unless there is a continuing desire to use the forums. The PDF allows for cleaner and easier to read markup (If you have Adobe Acrobat that is).

Otherwise, I can continue to use plain text.

Below is what I have thus far, if this proves to be useful in any capacity I will be willing to continue.

Also, this is a FIRST blush of corrections, I did NOT get into the mechanics or grammer as deeply as I could as I wanted to get an overall sense of the state of the content and go from there.

Finally, a bit of my background. I used to work as an Content Manager for a technical publishing company. We used to make boring black/white instruction/owner manuals for motors and vehicles. I managed Docbook XML content with XSL-FO stylesheets to render PDF documents. Allot of this is very similar to what you are doing here as far as writing content goes and organizing instructions. I also have my own project which I have worked on in the past (CORE: https://sites.google.com/site/d20futurecampaign/ that I created for my own interests, it never had the amount of support this project has however, but my ideas are very similiar to what you guys have and thats why I'm so interested in helping). I've also been playing RPGs over 15 yrs (Cyberpunk, Shadowrun, DnD, Car Wars, Battletech, Robotech, Warhammer 40k..etc).

here we go...


-- Focus on flow issues and formatting and continuity. Less focus on grammar and clarity of text, game mechanics. If this review proves helpful, I can provide more revisions, suggestions, ideas.


ICAR Errata v4
-- Focus on flow issues and formatting and continuity. Less focus

on grammar and clarity of text, game mechanics. If this review

proves helpful, I can provide more revisions, suggestions, ideas.


OVERALL ISSUES
VOICE - If the narritive of the book is as though you are speaking

to someone at the table then use consistant language.

-- Use "The Character" instead of "Your Character" or "A character"

to be consistant.
-- GM should be referred to neutrally not "he".
-- Use "you" or "your" instead of "the player"
-- Assume nothing, these are rules, make them literal and clear.
-- Consistency, consistency, consistency! when using verbage, statistics, attributes. Check wording, case and formatting.
-- ICAR? Icar? pick one. Icar. Always has been, it's the sodding logo that's complicated it!

HYPENATION - Remove it Done

Table formats, remove hard lines, try headers with black backgrounds

with white text, rows to have light grey backgrounds... possibly White text? Couldn't find any in the doc I'm processing, probably fixed it before.

number your tables so they can be referenced throughout the book.

Sort out Cross-References
Consistant labels and mechanics for creating and using cross-

references should be used (xrefs). Apparently this is not apart of Adobe InDesign (it IS in Framemaker however), here are some ways to use InDesign with proper cross-references:




CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE BOILERPLATE -

placed at the end of each book.

PAGE 4

Gamemaster is referenced for the first time and on p.5 GM anacronym is used. Change p.4 Gamemaster reference to read "Gamemaster (GM)". Done

Imperium and human race are seperate, is the Imperium alien? Done

If Droids constitude 95% of known space, why are they rarely-seen? Done

"The characters take on a variety of human characters in a post-war feel society", reads very odd. Change to "The players take on the roles of human characters in a post-war galaxy." Done

"In a single session, characters will be exploring long deserted colonies and abandoned space craft, starting bar fights, hacking into corporate files, escaping colonies invaded by Droids and zipping between the stars.", replace "long deserted colonies and abandoned" with "long deserted colonies, abadooned". Done

"The mechanics of Icar are intended to be cinematic, based either with ten sided dice (D10), two ten sided dice to make
a percentile (out of 100 or D100)." - should read "The mechanics of Icar are intended to be cinematic, based on using ten-sided dice (D10), two ten-sided dice (2D10) can be rolled to produce a percentile (a number out of 100), or a single hundred-sided die (d100) can be used." Done

"human race at large", remove "at large" Done

"The characters take on", change to "The players take on" Done

"variety of human characters", remove "human" Done

"post-war feel society.", change to "post-war galaxy." Done

"long deserted colonies and", remove "and" replace with "," Done

"This character will, no doubt, would have trained thier Battle statistic up from the original value to 6 to a new value of 8", replace "This character" with "The Character". "no doubt, would" remove "would", "original value to 6", should be "original value of 6" Done

"There are some other uses for these discs, but these are described where required", remove. Done

"Creating a character is a matter of filling in each of the properties in turn.", change to "Creating a character is a matter of following the character creation steps detailed below." Done

"The Concept of a character", remove "of a character" Done

"you start with", change to "the character starts with" Done

"Character's Deviant", remove "Character's" Done

"The Skills of the character", replace with "Skills" Done

"The Body of the character", replace with "Body" Done

"much damage a character takes", replace "a" with "the" Done

"down a series of", remove Done

"You will find out", change to "You will learn" Done

"(cash)", change to "(money used in ICAR)" Done


PAGE 5

"Within the following sections, a new character", replace "a" with "the" Done

"This character",replace "This example character" Done

"The Concept defines who you character is", change to "The Concept defiens who your character is" Done

"The Skeleton defines the starting", change "the" to "their" Done

"personality of the character", change "of the" to "your" Done

"5 squares in trait." change to "5 squares in a trait." Done

"Opposite sides of the wheel must add up to 5", add "squares" Done

"The physical properties of the", change to "They physical properties of your" Done

"Write a description, quote and put in your Skeleton.", change "Write a description, quote and put in your characters Skeleton." Done

Fillin Body and Amrmor: Question: Androids have same stats? Only humans mentioned here. Fixed. Human characters only

"Your encumbrance is the", change "Your encumbrance score is the". Done

"record it in the second sheet", chage "record it in your second sheet." Done

"If you've got bionics", change "If your character has bionics" Done

"new Meat", change "modified Meat score" Done

"Record Roleplaying Points" add "(RP)" Done

"Roll Psychotheatrics", NOTE: a cross-reference (xref) is useful here pointing to a table by number and name. (ie and then roll on table 1A:blah taking the affects as you go".

"11. Irritate teh GM with Questions", This is humor and so far this book dosn't read with this kind of tone consistently. Is this book to have jokes in it? If so, you may want to add more instead of one or two. Otherwise, if you want a serious tone, leave humor out or put it in the sidebar. (thats my 2 cents) Removed

PAGE 6

"A character concept should have reference to the settingthat you" change "A character concept should have a reference to the setting you" Done

"need a little warping to all it to fit into", change "need a little adjustment to fit into" Done

"but that bit is east compared to coming up with the concept in the first place." remove or correct. Done

"Do not worry if you Concept is not perfect,", change "Do not worry if your Concept is not perfect," Done

"as your character experiences different", change "as the character experiences different" Done

"start with the character your would like, you can always mould it into another.", change "start with a character you like, you can always change it." Done

"Our example Character Creation (John Smith) will use one of the given Concepts in the Deep Space Scavenger Setting
(given later). Our Character Concept will be as given in the box (below)." change, "Our example Character Creation (John Smith) will use one of the given concepts in the Deep Space Scavenger Setting (found at the end of this book). Below is an example character concept." Done

idealist star trekker? God yeah!

PAGE 7

"If no Skeleton exists for you character concept, then use the given ones as a guide", there are no given Skeletons... Done

"Deviant is the Character’s personality", change "Character's" to "characters". Done

"Deviant wheel, go round each", change "round" to "around to" Done

"or are creating a character in a hurry,", remove Done

"Roleplaying points. This accounts for someone’s personality", change "Roleplaying points. This accounts for the characters personality" Done

"Do not be bound by the Deviant wheel, it is there as a guide to help the player keep the character’s decisions", change "Do not be bound by the Deviant wheel, it is there as a guide to help you keep the characters decisions" Done

"reason to change personality." change "reason to change the characters personality." Done

"If the Character gets augmented in some way (with bionics, for example), then these values can exceed 10. There are two ways to determine Attributes, random or points. It’s up to the GM whether he allows you to choose which method." change "If the character gets augmented in some way (with bionics, for example), then these values can exceed
10. There are two ways to determine Attributes, randomly or with points. It’s up to the GM whether to allow you to
choose either method." Done

"make-up of the Character." change "make-up of their character." Done

"This is to allow the player to tune (or rescue) the genetic make-up of the Character." change "This is to allow you to tune (or rescue) the genetic make-up your character." Done

"A Random system avoids lengthy tuning of the character and provides a more organic outcome. A player may have elected to play a cool, calm fighter pilot but genetics may mean that they begin one that does not have a natural talent for flying. As Skills and Attributes are not permanent and will change during the course of a campaign." change "A Random system avoids lengthy tuning of the character and provides a more organic outcome. You may have elected to play a cool, calm fighter pilot but genetics may mean that the character does not have a natural talent at flying. Skills
and Attributes are not permanent and will change during the course of a campaign." Done

GM is a "he"?, "It’s up to the GM whether he allows you to choose which method.", should read "It's up to the GM to allow you to choose which method." Done

PAGE 8

"Shift controls the quickness of the character. This includeshow far the character can move each turn, how dexterous
they a and also the likelihood of the character winning the initiative in a fight. At walking pace, the Shift determines how
far they move in metres in a single turn (3 seconds). More on movement in the Combat section.", There are new game terms here that are mentioned and not defined. Perhaps refrain from using them at this point (initiative, turn). Should read "Shift controls the quickness of the character. This includes how far the character can move, how dexterous they are and the likelihood of going first in a fight. At walking pace, the Shift determines how many meters the character moves in a turn (3 seconds). More on movement can be found in the Combat section." Done

"how dexterous they a and also the likelihood of the character winning the initiative in a fight. At walking pace, the Shift determines" change "how dexterous they are and also the likelihood of the character winning the initiative combat. Shift determines" Done

"character's" to "characters", dunno why but that bothers me.. Actually, the use of the apostrophe is correct as it is the life force belonging to the character, not many characters

"A high Soul appreciates the fear but is not driven by it.", change "A high Soul recognizes fear but is not driven by it." Done

"a character" to "the character" Done

"useful function and the player should make use of a panic stricken to freeze, run amok" change "useful action and you should role-play a panic stricken character to freeze, run amok" Done

"intelligence and being able to spot" change "intelligence and the ability to spot" Done

"difficulty logically reasoning things through." change "difficulty reasoning logically." Done

"Some Skeletons provided with the Attributes have recommended statistic values. These suggest" -- we were never provided Done

Skeletons?? Done

"be intentional from the player and" change "be intentional and" Done

"A fighting-centred character with a low Battle statistic will find it difficult to beat people up.", possibly a softer re-write to "A combat based character with a low Battle score will find it difficult to survive." Done

"Where Attributes make up the natural physical description of the character, the Skills represent the learnt Skills.", rewrite "Where Attributes make up the natural physical abilities of the character, Skills represent the leartnt abilities." Done

"Skills are learnt abilities. Where Attributes make up the natural physical description of the character, the Skills represent the learnt Skills. A character is likely to learn a great many Skills during their lifetime in the game and is likely to morph and change their role in the team. Skills are also easier to improve than Attributes, although both can be improved by taking an active role in society. The Skills are jotted down on Character sheet two, included at the back of this book. This section will describe how to use"

change

"Skills are learnt abilities. Where Attributes make up the natural physical abilities of the character, Skills represent the leartnt abilities. The character is likely to learn a great many Skills and is likely to change their role in the
game. Skills are also easier to improve than Attributes, although both can be improved by taking an active role in
society. Skills are jotted down on Character sheet two, included at the back of this book. This section will describe how to use" Done

"can be improved by taking an active role in society." could use more explaination or remove.Done

PAGE 9

"a character" change "the character" Done

"the player needs to roll a Skill check." change " you need to roll a skill check." Done

"beginning at a combination of Attributes, using its parent or as set in the character Skeleton and with a maximum of 99%. The player rolls a D100 (normally 2 d10 dice, darkest coloured one elected as the 10s, the other as 1s). The player first checks to see if this roll is under the Skill value and tells the GM."

change

"beginning at a combination of Attributes, using its parent or as it is set in the characters Skeleton and with a
maximum of 99%. The player rolls a D100 (or 2D10). You check to see if this roll is under the Skill value and tell the GM." Done

"Meat is character’s toughness." change "Meat is the characters toughness." Nope, it is the toughness belonging to the character

"When the Skill is used," change "When a Skill is used," Done

"tick mark against it to signify that" change "tick mark against it to note that" Done

that you use - even if you failed." change "that you used - even if you failed." Done

"Before the player rolls, the GM" change "Before you roll, the GM" Done

"can take before falling over (see Stun later)," change(?) "can take before being stunned (see Stun later),"

"There may be times where other modifiers are added to the Skill. This occurs when the character is performing an action
that not a normal use of the Skill. Modifiers are always applied to the Skill. Therefore, a modifier of -30 is making the action more difficult to achieve. Some example modifiers are listed with each Skill and more are given in the combat
section. When there are more than one modifier, add them all together and apply to the Skill before rolling."

change

"Modifiers may be added to a Skill. This occurs when the character is performing an action that is not normal use of the Skill. A modifier of -30 makes the action more difficult to achieve. Some example modifiers are listed with each Skill and more are listed in the combat section. There can be additional modifiers, add them all together and apply to the Skill before rolling." Done

"There is a temptation for Skills to replace the act of roleplaying. This is not in the spirit of Icar. Before rolling a for a Skill, describe the action as best you can. The better the description, the less of a difficulty the roll will get. If the Skill is performing some acrobatic feat, then the twist and turn through the air should be described. If the Skill involves haggling a deal, then try to haggle. The GM is not looking for the best dealer or acrobat in the world, just some effort in description as it is this effort that adds richness to the game for everyone."

change

"Skills should be used along with role-playing. Before rolling a for a Skill, describe the action as best you can. A good description of the skills application may make your GM lower your difficulty roll. If the Skill is performing some acrobatic feat, then the twists and turns through the air should be described. If the Skill involves haggling a deal, then try to haggle. The GM is not looking for the best dealer or acrobat in the world, just some effort in description as
this effort adds richness to the game for everyone." done

"This occurs when the character is performing an action that not a normal use of the Skill.", should read "This occurs when the character is performing an action that is not a normal use of the skill." done

Is Skill capitalized everywhere? may want to sort out "Skill" and "skill". done

PAGE 10

If the player rolls ‘1’ on the D100 then this is always a pass. If the player roll 100, then this is always a fail. These are called critical rolls. This system is not entirely realistic but does add some interesting playability to the game - no matter how good a character is at a Skill, there is always room for error.

change

If you roll a 1 (on a d100), then you always pass. A roll of 100 is always a fail. These are called critical rolls. No matter how skillfull a character is, there is always room for error.

question: should terms critical success, critical failure be used instead? Nope because I don't use them anywhere else

"The starting values for these Skills are given" change "The starting values are given" done

"Self Taught means that the character learns the Skill be either attempting it or by looking around Gaia (the internet) to learn it. Learning any Skill will require the virtual world of Gaia as a simulator in some form. For example, you cannot teach History to yourself without some"

change
"Self Taught means that you can gain the Skill be either having a go at it or by looking around Gaia (See XXX). Learning any Skill will require the Gaia as a simulator. For example, you cannot teach History to yourself without some" done

"You teach yourself by trying the Skill during the session using another Skill with a modifier (such as Taxing: 30%) or an
appropriate statistic (at -4). Regardless of whether you passed or failed you then pencil it in." done

change

"The character learns a new skill during a game session using another skill with a modifier (such as Taxing: 30%) or an appropriate statistic (at -4). Regardless of whether the character passed or failed you then pencil it in."

"Instructor courses are either an Artificial Intelligence (AI) simulation in Gaia or a human. If it’s a human, they need to
have the Skill at 70% to do the teaching." change "Instructor courses can be given from simulations (Artificial Intelligence) or actual people. Instructors need to have the Skill at 70% to do the teaching." done

"The starting value for Skeleton Skills are as given on the Skeleton sheet." change "The starting value for Skeleton Skills are given on the Skeleton sheet." done

PAGE 11

"Skill trees not only show what Skills there are, but also what a certain Skill requires." "Skill trees are very important because:" "A character may attempt a Skill at a higher Epoch but this is given a modifier of Tricky." done

PAGE 12

"For more advanced players, it is possible to create Skills which cover an area of expertise not covered by the Skill
list. These are called Progressive Skills. You might want to do this to fit your scenario more precisely. To obtain a new Skill, it must be clearly stated what the Skill is designed to cover and which Skills it derives from." change "You can create skills that are not listed on the skill list, these are called Progressive Skills. Progressive Skills
can be created to better fit a need for a skill in the game. To learn a Progressive Skill, it must be clearly defined and you must select a skill from the skill list that it is derived from." Rewrote everything and droppped 'Progressive Skill' term

"The Skills that are being derived from must have a value of 60% or more (showing a particular proficiency in the field).
To gain the Skill, you must have used it for the particular purpose at least once a session for 3 sessions. The sessions do not need to consecutive." change "The skill that is derived must have a value of 60% or more (showing proficiency in the skill). To obtain the skill, you must use it successfully over the course of three game sessions. These sessions do not need to be consecutive, and the skill must be used at least once per session." Binned the whole section as it is mentioned earlier

"Skill lists." should be "Skill list." (or at least be consistant with the terminology).done

"These Skills should be used as a springboard into creating new and interesting Skills that might require a return to base principles." change "These Skills could be used for creating Progressive Skills that require an Academic skill to be derived from." (If I understand that rule right). done

Notation marks: For dervied skills, use some method to label the required skills better...

"Fake Antiques. The design and creation of realistic fake antiques. Antiquities and Forgery."
could be like:
Fake Antiques [Antiquities,Forgery] The design and creation of semi-realistic antiques. Done

** bolding or italic is also suggested here

"Finding the mentor is often" change "Finding a mentor is often" Done

Group/Team verbage should be consistant.

"Medical Skills are essential to all sections of survival." change "Medical Skills can be essential to survival." done

"As most diseases can be cured with an injection of drugs the field of Diagnosis is left to use of these drugs." change "Medical technology and training allows most diseases to be cured in the field". Reworded utterly

"With the addition of technology, we obtain Bionics which deals with all forms of Augmentation. Out on a limb is he Bioweave Skill, which is a special form of Bionics." change "Medical technologies such as bionics allow for many forms of augmentation. An example of a special form of bionics is the Bioweave Skill." Reworded again

"new tech items." change "new technology." done

Note: use of these terms "requires a Systems roll" might be better defined as "requires a Systems check", this is a term used by d20 system and your rolling to check to see if you succeed (pass) or fail. So the verbage is slightly better, and may want to change through the book. agreed

"a test can be done under Hard." change "a Hard Difficulty Check can be made." done

Roleplaying point - should be Roleplaying Point done

PAGE 13

"John skills turn out as:" change "Johns skills turn out as:" done but with the possessive

PAGE 14

"This is the name of the character. It’s best to choose a name from within your own culture. From a white, British perspective, names such as ‘Adam Williamson’, ‘Simon Aubury’ are common. Avoid using names of characters from films unless you want to mimic that character. Within Icar society, people often have just one name, feel free to experiment."

change

"A name will be used by other players as well as the GM to identify your character. Players will often use this name when speaking as a reference to your character (a fellow player may get questioned about your characters location, "John Smith? dunno who you are talking about".) Use a name that makes sense in the context of the game setting provided by the GM. If you are curious how the game world will react to your name, as the GM first, to avoid trouble later on." Nope, this is roleplaying 101 and has no place here

"There areno hard and fast rules for choosing height as this should be down to the player" change "There are no fixed rules for choosing height, feel free to choose a reasonable height that fits your character". done

If you are going to use stone (st) for weight, please provide a line to detail how many pounds a stone weighs for non UK players. (we understand metrics better than this weight system since metrics is covered in our schools but stones is not). 1 stones = 14 pounds Converted!

Age Comparison Table
do we really care about the 21st century? it was soooooo yesterday. Simply list years and their age category. "Onset of weight gain and ‘middle aged spread’", why is this a requirement?? lol not everyone gets fat. Genetically superior future
my flabby ass!"Greying hair / menopause", eesh there are parts to role-playing I don't care to know.. I like it, made the entries more friendly

PAGE 16

"When the Stun reaches zero, the character is unconscious." change "When Stun reaches zero, the character is unconscious." Done

Why no ranged combat combos?? Good point but doesn't really fit with melting someone from 150ft away. Not the same as being up close and personal, where you get a chance to block incoming blows. If you can block a chain gun firing at full rate, you probably wouldn't bother in the first place!

"with the amount that characters can" change "with the amount of weight the character can" Done

"A player must keep track of what they are carrying." change "You must keep track of what the characters is carrying" Done

PAGE 17

"A certain amount of weaving or fitting in must be done make the Psychotheatric make sense." change "A certain amount
of weaving or fitting must be done to make the Psychotheatric work."

"The GM should read the Psychotheatric before reading it out to the player. Some of the information is the Psychotheatric may need to be kept back from the player." change "the GM should read the Psychotheatric before reading it to the player. Some information may need to be witheld from the player." ** GM notes should have a visual break out, like your examples. done

"For some of the Settings, a special Psychotheatric list is given for that specific scenario. The one included in the Appendix is a default list." change "Some game settings provide a special Psychotheatric list, the list provided in the Appendix is the default."

"Pyschotheatrics are not just for Morius day, they can be bought off by spending 10 RP." change "Psychoteatrics can be purchased by spending 10 RP." -- Morius day is only mentioned starting on pg.50 It confuses the player at this point without more explaination. done

"Combat in Icar is split into three types: Close Combat (fist
fights), Fire Fighting (guns) and Vehicle combat." change "There are three types of combat in ICAR; Close Combat (hand-to-hand), Fire Fights (ranged weapony), Vehicular Combat and Space Combat." -- When I read Fire Fights I think of firemen putting out fires with hoses...lol It's a tip of the hat to Cyberpunk's 'Friday Night Fire Fight' rules

"Space combat is also dealt with but is a matter of description and skills." - remove Done

-- Initiative needs to be broken out and given a heading, its at the same level as Turn Actions and yet is buried in a paragrah. Some readers may not even notice it. Added new sentence...'it is rolled differently depending on what sort of combat you are in.'

-- Detail what is rolled and what the numbers mean for Initiative! See above

"A Turn is three seconds for a turn and that is a long time in Combat." change "A turn is three seconds." Done

PAGE 18

"noncombat" change "non-combat" Done

"Move Shift Attribute in metres in any direction" change "Move any direction a distance in meters equal to the characters Shift Attribute."Done

"Move 3 x Shift metres in any direction." change "Move (Shift x 3) meters in any direction."Done

"A character will recover stun at 10 per turn if not doing anything else." change "A character will recover 10 stun points per turn if the character remains inactive". Done

"Combat runs through the turn sequence (there are different turn sequences for different types of combat) until all
the combat is complete. At this point, the GM calls ‘combat over’ although this is normally obvious."
change
"There are different turn sequences for each type of combat. Once a combat sequence is complete, the GM will announce that the combat turn is over." Done

"If a character is shot with just about anything without being armoured or augmented, then it’s very likely that they’re going to die." change "If an unarmored/augmented person is shot by a gun, they will most likely die." Done

"However, healing is powerful for when the armour finally runs out." ?? cannot be healed while still armored? lol, perhaps it should say: "IcAR Medical technology is very advanced and can resolve most health issues both on the field and off." Done

"Characters with Medical skill training are essential because they can use modern medical technology to keep the Character alive." change "Characters with Medical skills are essential." Done

-- No tech available w/o a combat medic in the team? In combat scenarios, all the characters are a medic. Elsewhere, there's more panic.

"When a combat session is initialised either by NPCs or by the player characters themselves, the GM will do the following
steps:" -- NPCs is an anacronym; don't assume a new reader knows what it means. change "When a combat turn begins the GM will follow these steps:"

"1. State that combat has started. This is to make sure nobody is unaware of what is going on. It’s normally obvious!" change "1. Announce the start of the combat turn. Make sure all players are aware that combat has begun, otherwise they may be in a vulnerable state."

"A natural biological creature is one that has growth from a natural source." ?? whats "natural" in a sci-fi game. Are you assuming organic/grown? clones are what? non-biological...may consider removing this line. Done

"A natural biological creature is one that has growth from a natural source. This includes humans and animals. If the
damage take on any part of the natural biological is less than half the total, then a roll using Medical Basic or Surgery
is sufficient. If the damage taken is larger than half of the total amount, then Surgery is required." change "If damage is taken by a human or animal is less than half the total, then roll a difficulty check using Medical Basic or Surgery. If the damage taken is greater than half of the total amount, Surgery is required." done

PAGE 19
"Close combat occurs when two people are close to each other and begin to fight without firearms." change (dont use the term to describe itself)."Close combat is engaging in combat without firearms." done

"Players should not be given much time to decide what to do, it should be done quickly." change
"During their turn in combat, players need to make quick descisions as to their characters actions. The GM should limit the time to take actions to simulate the speed necessary for combat." Done

"The abilities of character can differ greatly depending on what skills they have." change "The abilities of the character can differ greatley depending on their skills." Done

"In the world of fighting, you are only truly blessed if you can tag fighting movements together that give you a flow of
movement." change "To gain an edge in combat, its wise to have proper training. Performing a series of motions creates a flow of movement." Done

"Turn Sequence" Heading should be changed to "Close Combat Turn Sequence" to keep from confusing it with other Turn Sequences. Done


PAGE 20
"Close combat is entered into if the combatants have not got range weapons drawn (except with Gun Fu - see later) or if
they are within 2 metres." change "Close combat occurs when both combatants are not using ranged weapons, or are within 2 meters of each other (except with GunFu or other skills that state otherwise)." Done

* What happens if a combatant holds gun to your head?? Not so much in Combat, more just screwed. This would be a common sense call.

* All Formulas need to be formatted consistantly. Done

"The lower initiative, is the worse combatant and thus fights at the disadvantage of not knowing what everyone else is
doing." change "The lower initiative, is teh slower combatant and fights at the disadvantage of not knowing what other combatants are doing." done

* replace worse fighter, with slower fighter; better fighter with faster fighter. If you involve a thing like chance ( ie a dice roll for init, then you cant fairly label one combatant good and another worse). Done

PAGE 21

* How does Cost work for combos? Cost? Covered in the building rules

PAGE 22

"Humorous dismemberment should be considered." as in "OW my arm is gone and not HA HA HA thats hilarious he totally sliced off your arm!" Yes, just like that
R
"When a character is fighting more than one person in a turn, she can squash her combo." where did "she" come up? Use neutral terms or use consistant sex / characters in examples and rules. An example is to use the sample characters you mention throughout the book, perhaps a team and she is actually someone in that team with a name so then you would change to something like: "Sharia is fighting multiple combatants in a turn, she can squash her combo". Whole book used to be in feminine tone. Done

Squash? seems odd terminology...Scrub her combo?? Split is better

TERMINOLOGY: combatants should be used consistantly throughout Yep

** Great example close combat, perhaps use this same example again in the armor section and add armor to Rage, Mush and Dude to show how that works. Nice idea

PAGE 26
** Firefight example, format like the close combat example, elminate armor if possible so to not confuse the rules. Firefighting without armour is a bit too deadly to make a good example, beyond the lethality of the system.

** System shock when getting shot (Meat damage)? aka cyberpunk rules. Nope. Attributes don't change. You take stun and HP damage.

** Dog Fighting isn't defined in the first paragraph. Assuming you mean combat between vehicular combatants? Done


PAGE 28

"Biblical Weather" change to "Extreme weather" Done

PAGE 29

"Gaia is the 3D virtual world that acts as the internet in Icar." "Gaia is networking and software that creates a virtual environment that allows the characters to communicate and obtain information over great distances." Nope, it is not. It's actually a parallel dimension that exists in a single point with only an energy spectrum. I won't mention that just yet.

"Hacking is a support activity in Icar. Hackers make use of Hacking Entities to help the team achieve their goal." change
"Hacking can be used to support a team in Icar. Hackers make use of specialized hacking programs called "Entities", to help them achieve their goal." Done

"If you want to then change the information you will need to roll Hacking again." change "If you want to change the information (ie their banking statements), you will need to roll a Hacking check again." done

"As such Hacking Space Craft systems must be performed from inside or standing on the hull of the craft." --??

Remember if the ship can access Gaia remotely, then it can be remotely hacked, thats the nature of any system of rules. It maybe harder but shouldn't be considered impossible. Hacking from the hull of the ship seems as relevant as hacking a planet away. Gaia isn't actually the internet - as it operates in a parallel dimension without X,Y,Z. The 'operating system' of Gaia (which is actually an Artificially Intelligent machine) uses the user's X,Y and Z to perform core security functions. You can't hack that because you cannot access the core of what Gaia is without changing it. If you change it any way then you can't use Gaia. It's like this because it makes it Droid proof. I can go on, I've got sodding reams of explanation written down. Outside of the core rules, sadly. All of Icar is based on a set of core principles (which makes it not very space opera like but I leave that alone) - most of which are online in the Technology Index.

PAGE 30
"To survive, you need a team of capable people to fly, gun and repair." change "To survive, you will needa team (crew) able to fly, arm and repair the space craft." Done

** Move Space Combat before Hacking, to be consistent with the flow of combat rules. Good idea, at the end as it will bugger up the page numbering!

PAGE 31

"Space Craft" why caps? change "spacecraft" Done

"Everyone on the Space Craft has a role. The roles are Operations, Pilot, Gunners and Engineers. During the combat
sequence, each of these roles has a special job to do. The aim is to keep all of the players busy during combat." Change
"The crew on-board a spacecraft have a role. The roles are stations such as; Command, Pilot, Gunner and Engineer. A spacecraft may have multiple people manning these stations. During the space combat sequence, each of these stations has a job to do. These rules allow all the players in a team to be active running a spacecraft." Done

** Change Operations to Command? Nope, command suggests leaadership - which will terrify my player group. Operations allows for a more hippy form of command.

** positions are stations. Gotcha, thanks

Operations is in charge of understanding the positions of all the enemy and telling the crew what needs to happen next." change "Operations is in charge of the tactical situation of all combatants and managing the crew as to the course of action." Done

"Anyone can do the Operations role but it should be someone with a high Wit and Battle." change "Anyone can perform the Operations station, but it is best suited for someone with a high WIT and BATTLE score." Done

Woooeeee! What a night this is turning out to be! RL signing off this post.

Great thanks for the feedback, it helps me get on-board with your game. I have a couple of quick questions.

1) What software are you using? Framemaker? or something else?

2) I'm currently marketing up a PDF of your main rule book with all the edits above and more. Would giving you a PDF be a good way of passing around edits or would you prefer dumps to this forum? I also notice that my Adobe Acrobat software lets me e-mail markup...I'm curious what that does, and will try that today. I like the comments in PDF since they are colorful and also show you the edit in context instead of raw feedback.

I'll post more, there's a boat load of material!

I use Adobe InDesign to do the layout.

You can send me feedback however you wish, although it's best done on the forum so that others can learn about the sort of feedback a game can get. I think it might be interesting for other authors (and players) to see what you have to say. Someone might pipe in "Yeah, I thought that was weird too!".

Updated ERRATA. Acrobat dosn't allow friendly export of comments so I just did it by hand.

Thank you sir, it's all invaluable!

Phew up to page 30...gotta take it in chunks or I will loose my mind! lol

Luckily work has been so slow that I can do these. Passes the time nicely.

Edit - Rob again, just keeping track of what I've done....

PAGE 31
"Space Craft" why caps? change "spacecraft" Done

"Everyone on the Space Craft has a role. The roles are Operations, Pilot, Gunners and Engineers. During the combat
sequence, each of these roles has a special job to do. The aim is to keep all of the players busy during combat."

Change

"The crew on-board a spacecraft have a role. The roles are stations such as; Command, Pilot, Gunner and Engineer. A spacecraft may have multiple people manning these stations. During the space combat sequence, each of these stations has a job to do. These rules allow all the players in a team to be active running a spacecraft."Done

** Change Operations to Command? See above

** positions are stations. See above

Operations is in charge of understanding the positions of all the enemy and telling the crew what needs to happen next." change "Operations is in charge of the tactical situation of all combatants and managing the crew as to the course of action." Done

"Anyone can do the Operations role but it should be someone with a high Wit and Battle." change "Anyone can perform the Operations station, but it is best suited for someone with a high WIT and BATTLE score." Done

"Turn Sequence" change "Space Combat Turn Sequence" Done

"Operations rolls initiative: Battle + Wit + D10." change "Operations rolls BATTLE + WIT + D10." Done and reformatted

"Fight or Flee?" maybe change terminology to "Engage or Retreat?" to give a more starshipy feel? Narrr, I like the chicken-shit feel to 'Flee'. Means people might fight a bit more often

"Pick targets" maybe change "Aquire Targets" Prefer 'Choose' even better

-- Note that Automations or AI cannot operate gunnery as thats against the three laws. Correct! Mentioned in the Gunner section

"If you are Fleeing, a Gunner may only shoot at Shields and Hull." odd, why? If you're running away, you can't choose what you shoot at because you're not putting yourself in a helpful position, you're just trying to shoot. It's akin to firing over your shoulder when running away.


PAGE 32

"To do that, you need to have a Mano equal or larger than your pursuer", what is Mano? Before using new game terms, define them first. Done

"While fleeing, the fleeing Gunners may fire at any target but may not select a system." change "While fleeing, the Gunners may fire at any targets but amy not select a system." Done

"It is the job of the Engineers to try and get damaged systems working again." change "It is the job of the Engineers to repair damaged systems." (give the guys some credit! lol) LOL, good call

"Engineers cannot replace Shields or Hull during combat but they can repair systems that were targeted by the enemy." change "Engineers cannot replace shields or Hull damage during combat, but they can repair other systems." done

"skill check." change globally to "check", as any use of the term assumes a skill check, therefore redundant. What about Attribute check?

"When a system has taken catastrophic damage (see below) it cannot be repaired with a space dock." change "When a system has taken catastrophic damage (see below) it cannot be repaired without a space dock." Done

-- May want to remove the PC/NPC verbage from the spaceship combat example as its irrelevant. Done

PAGE 33

"So that the Gunner can get the +20% modifier for shooting at the hull Matilda, the NPC Pilot, rolls Combat Cruiser." change "So that the Gunner can get the +20% modifier for shooting at the hull Matilda, the NPC Pilot, rolls a check against the Combat Cruiser skill." ** still needs more clarification. Clarified

--If you want to use names for NPCs in starship examples you may want to include their military titles or station name if they have one (ie Gunner Sarah, Gunner Lt. Sarah)... They're all civilian

PAGE 34

-- Odd location for background? Is it? After the rules?

"The background is organised by starting with the very large and ends with the specific of the human race." change "The
background is organised by starting with the very large and ends with the specifics of the human race." Done

"Icar is set in 92028, the human race is spread across space and is ruled by a benevolent empire-like organisation called
Imperium." change "Icar is set in the year 92028, humanity is spread across the galaxy and is ruled by a benevolent government called the Imperium." Done

"The only other sentient race are a race of robots called the Droids." change "Another race of sentient robots called "The Droids", inhabit the galaxy and are a dire threat to humanity". Done

"The Droids were created by the Imperium to dispose of the problem of a lethal genetic branch of the human race." change "The Droids were created to dispose of humans carrying a lethal gene."Done

"The Imperium is at war with the Droids and the Droids were winning until recently (1000 years ago), when they turned against each other. In most campaigns, the Droids can be used as the monster-in-the-closet as most of the human race is protected against them." change "The Droids then turned against all of humanity, waging a successful campaign of death and destrunction until 1,000 years ago, when they began an internal civil war. This has been a great distraction to the Droids, and the basis of much investigation by the Imperium. The Droids campaign against the Imperium has changed focus internally and humanity has been saved, for the time being." Done

PAGE 35

"The Imperium is split into a large number of Councils, each governing a different area of the human race’s development." change "The Imperium is composed of many Councils, each governing an aspect of humanity's development." See above

"Outside of these councils are the Imperial Peers, Lords and Ladies who are given their own areas of space to look
after and the Star Industries:" change "Imperial Lords and Ladies rule these Councils, each manage their own territory and the industries within. Some of these industries are; Star Fleet, Star Scientifica, Star Civilisation, Star Enforcers" Not quite right, the Star Industries do not report to the Imperial peers. Have changed wording

"Star Fleet is tasked with defending humanity from the Droids." change "Star Fleet is tasked with defending humanity from external threats, such as the Droids." See above

"The Imperium uses an Artificially Intelligent machine called The Nexus to act as impartial judge and communicator
between the Star Industries." change "The Imperium employs an Artificial Intelligence(AI) called "The Nexus", to act as Imperial Judge and Communicator between Star Industries." Definitely impartial - the Nexus is obviously Imperial

-- The Nexus probably deserves its own paragrah describing how vast and integrated it is into society? Later

"The entire Imperium is driven by a civic duty that if they were not to continue their work in the interests of the human race, the Droids would soon win and the human race would be lost."

change(?)

"The entire Imperium is under the looming shadow of the Droid threat, this drives the Imperium to focus on working for the best interests of humanity to hopefully change the tide against their former creations." Prefer mine

"Corporations, although driven by profit are not treated as evil. They too have a civic duty to the human race, a fact
the Imperium is quick to remind them of."

change(?)

"Large Corporations span many star systems, and over the course of time have come under the heel of the Imperium. The Imperial watch dog prevents corporate greed and ensures their goals are in the best interest of humanity." Nope, not under the heel

-- Mention Economy briefly, so players understand that there is a single currency. As Geography suggests that local economic systems may have seperate currency systems. Done

"A Colony is normally on or under a planet surface" change "planet" to "planets" Yep with the possessive

-- Most campaigns only occur across one or two clusters, why? if space travel is so cheap whats to prevent a game from spanning many clusters? Scope is too large for player team or GM. I deal with this in GM section.

"Communication between two points in Gaia is instantaneous." change "Communication between two locations in Gaia is instantaneous, despite the distances in the real world." Done

-- Briefly how this magic happens? Some kind of quantum communication gate using warp space to pass data?? Nope, parallel dimension - far too much detail for an overview. The overview is really about "It's just like this".

"Gaia also maps all the stars and systems and thus used as a navigational aid." change "Gaia also contains astronomical data on all known star systems, and is used as a navigational aid aboard all starcraft." done

"Most people use their real world appearance in Gaia." change "When using Gaia, each user is represented by an Avatar, this is by default their own personal appearance, but this can be altered as desired." Not really the case. Need to keep this para short.

"You cannot be killed through Gaia." change "Despite Gaia's level of realism, its own internal programming prevents harm to humans and therefore you cannot be killed through Gaia." Leaving mine

"The human race have created a secondary race of machines called Automatons." change "After the lessons learned by the Droid race, humanity created a new race of robots called Automations." Leaving mine

"These intelligent machines differ from the Droids in that they are unable to cause harm to humans." change "These Intelligent machines differ from the Droids in that they are infused with Gaia programming, preventing them from causing harm to humans." Nope, it is actually the way in which the AI is grown and trained that makes them unable to harm humans.

"receptions" change "receptionists" Done

Anything called out by names should be enclosed in quotes (ie Hoppers should be 'Hoppers'). Done

"Every Automaton has an owner but there are those fighting for their rights to be considered. Most of the human race distrust Automatons, regardless of their proven safety." change "Automations are second-class citizens of the Imperium and are generally not trusted. Every automation must have a registered owner. Some organizations, though a great minority, exist for the equal rights of automations, hoping to bring them into society as equals." Automatons aren't citizens at all, they are belongings, like a car

"Normal humans" whats Normal? Evolution should be quite natural. perhaps change to "Common humans" done

"Genus is a mutated, zombie-like human who are poisonous to the other Genus" change "The Genus 2 mutation is a zombie-like race who are genetically poisonous to all other races" done

"Genus 3 are a little known group of humans with “psychic” powers" change "Genus 3 mutants are a rare race of humans with 'psychic' powers." Done

"The human race augments itself with technology and there are few birth defects that cannot be rectified. Bionics include
under-the-skin bionics called Cyber, limb-replacement bionics called Borging and minor genetic modification called Bioweave. Some people embrace this technology for its benefits but the general human populace fear those with augmentations and so are less popular as you might imagine."

change

"Those who accept technology use it, augmenting limbs and body. Birth and Genetic defects are elminated. The technology of Bionics is named 'Cyber' and the act of replacing limbs is named 'Borging', genetic modification is called 'Bioweave'. Some embrace these technologies, but humanity as a whole fears this may bring a second coming of the Droids or worse." Nope, Cyber is a very special sort of Bionics. That which seeks to purely augment, rather than place

"Not everyone plays by the rules. With the Imperial Nexus having exceptional information and resources, petty crime is
easily solved. Crime syndicates are a reaction to the Nexus, highly organised groups of people that seek to gain power,
make money or subvert society. Syndicates tend to have either Humanist or Technologist leanings and this generates a
fair amount of conflict."

change

"For every system of rules, there are those who circumvent it. The Imperial Nexus brought civil peace and crime rates to an all-time low. Crime syndicates are a natural reflection of the Nexus, highly organized groups of intelligent criminals seeking power or money, sometimes at the cost of humanity. Syndicates tend to be either Humanist or Technologist in belief and this alone generates a fair amount of civil conflict." Reworded mine a lot

"The Galaxy is locally called The Milky Way and contains approximately one hundred billion stars." change "The Milky Way galaxy contains approximately one hundred billion stars." Done


PAGE 37

"The first, holding a 95% majority are a race of robots called by humans as the Droids." change "The first, holding 95% of known space is the race called 'Droids', hostile to humanity and currently distracted by an internal civil war." Done

"Many different lower intelligence species exist locally to planets but do not have a bearing on interstellar affairs." change "Many sentient species of lower intelligence exist, but do not have a bearing on interstellar affairs." Done

"The Morpheus Arm is the only one of interest, so it is split into sections called Sectors." change "The Morpheus Arm is the only one documented in the ICAR game system, so it is split into sections called Sectors." Done

"Each sector has a name, specified by the humans but used by both humans and Droids." -- remove? Done

remove "lazy" verbage like "tend to" to provide more active and definitive rules. Done

"Droid Space is the name given to the volume of stars that the Droids occupy. The Droids are an artificially intelligent race of xenophobic robots. Originally created by humans to deal with the problem of a generic strain of humanity
that was lethal to other humans, a flaw in their programming lead to an exponential killing rampage and the death of 98% of the human race. Another flaw in their system was exploited by their creators and the Droids turned against each other. Droid space can be split into factions, areas where the Droids have split into groups. The are approximately
5 million different factions. Every system in Droid space is utilised in the most optimum way, mostly for the creation
of more Droids and support facilities."

change

"Droid space is the term for the vast majority of star systems that the Droids occupy. The Droids are an artificial race of intelligent robots created by Humanity to fight a war against a genitically poisonous race of humans. The Droids turned on their creators resulting in a massive loss of all human life, leaving only 2% of the human population to be hunted down. However, the ever evolving Droids changed and have now begun a terrible civil war as they question themselves. Droid space is split into factions, areas where Droids have defended themselves from other Droids. There are around five million factions. Droids are extremely utilitarian and occupied Droid space is always used in the most optimum manner, with a priority on droid production and support facilities." Reworded with my words

"The Human race is in a period of rebuilding and expansion, a post war feel." change "feel" to "era." Done

-- Check the use of "Chambers" and "Councils" as used earlier in the text, pick a term and use it consistently. Done

PAGE 38

"The Fleet are based in the Turus cluster" change "The fleet is based in the Turus cluster" Done

"The general public rarely see Star Fleet except in Gaian News broadcasts on Gaia." change "The public rarely sees Star Fleet except when broadcasted by Gaia News." Done

"The vast majority of the general public bear enormous respect for the members of the Fleet and appreciate the work that they do." change "the Fleet" to " 'The Fleet' " if its used as reference to Star Fleet. Done

PAGE 39

"(and are even in Droid space)." change "(and some are even in Droid space)." Done

"Many of the areas of technology they research into are kept away from the public eye and are released when it is deemed safe to do so." change
"Many of the areas of technology researched are kept away from the public and are released when it is deemed safe to do so." Done

PAGE 40

"The law is broad enough to stop Corporations controlling colony politics." change "The law is broad enough to stop Corporations from controlling colonial politics." done

"Corporations are much like in any other time, they expand and attempt to make life hard for the competition while producing goods for systems and individuals." remove. Done

-- May want to note the faiths of the peers, are they futurists? etc., Ooooooooooooooooh good point!

PAGE 41

"grew into a notional place" typo? Fixed

-- If the Droid War, is a name for a historical event, it should be all caps (ie The Droid War) Done

"If a space craft Light Jumps though this 1 light-year thick barrier, it will be pulled out of its jump and Star Fleet are automatically notified." This is an amazing magical feat...how is this accomplished technologically??? Light jumping requires you to move your mass into a parallel dimension called the second medium (there are three in all). All the Light Jump Net does is put up a field in the Second Medium that disrupts the connection between first and second mediums for just long enough for a Light Jump engine to think there is a problem and drop out. I have way more detail than is appropriate here.

PAGE 42

"It remained like this until Star Fleet moved its operation there during the Aran War, being the only really Imperium safe sector in the Morpheus Arm." change "It remained until Star Fleet moved its operations there during Aran War. This is the safest sector in the Morpheus Arm." Done


"War Of Dorian" should be "War of Dorian" Done

--Confused..IF the Droids reduced humanity to 2%..HOW could they possibly expell them?? The only reason humanity survived is due to the inner turmoil of the Droids themselves...Otherwise Humanity would have been defeated. You're not fighting all the Droids at once.

"Your campaign is likely to focus in a Cluster not listed here. The clusters are famous, known to all characters and serve
as examples." change "Your campaign is likely to be based in any number of clusters. These clusters are well-known and
are detailed below as examples." Done

Onward and forward - Rob

PAGE 43

"most extensive Star Docks in the" why is Star Docks initial caps? Is it a trademark or a name of something specific? otherwise should be just "star docks" Done

"‘Nomadic Cluster’" possible change to "'Nomadic' cluster" Done

"The colonists that had come out here were more idealists and dreamers than realists." change "The colonists who settled there were more idealistic dreamers than realists." Done

"many I class planets surrounding Primus." confusing, denote as "Class I", also what are the Classes? reader has no knowledge of what this means. Done

"Unfortunately, they were not well suited to the hard work required in setting up manual farms and building a colony." change "They were not well suited to building and defending a colony." Done

"build well." change "expand." Done

"Niopak strengthened," may want to consider making terminology regarding worlds, stars, clusters, systems more specific. (ie Niopak cluster strengthened,). Underneath the Niopak heading, I think this is ok here but elsewhere I agree.

There should always be a clear distinction between what you are speaking about in regards to celestial bodies. Good point

"Pointless technology," change "Non-essential technology" Done

gadgets and trivial additions" change "gadgets and trinkets" Trinkets! nice word

"Noted as being perhaps one of the most high tech clusters in the Galaxy!", this is stated here but not justified by previous information. Cluster described as a fashion and trend setting hub but not really noteworthy for technology other than low end consumer electronics. So how is this the high-tech cluster in the galaxy? True, fixed!

** List clusters in alpha order for easier reference? Done

** Cultural or physical modifiers for characters born and raised in these clusters? Nope, Human race is homogeneous as there is a lot of movement

PAGE 44

Crofts are given two definitions on this page. The initial paragraphs define them as high-tech cities then in the 2nd column they are described as "Crofts are smaller buildings, made to house farms and holiday homes". May want to create a more consistant description. Done

MEX City, where does the term "MEX" come from? in the U.S. TEX-MEX referes to Texas/Mexican food and culture. So I keep thinking "mexican city" or "slums". Modular EXpandable - but I've never used that. It's just a name.

PAGE 45

** No art in mex cities? They are extremely industrialist in nature but this dosn't follow some of the clusters cultural descriptions. Perhaps advertisements and commercialism is controlled via holographic adverts only visible from a grav car/bike? Perhaps art is frowned upon when building a mex city? People by nature, will want to express their culture over another by making their mex city unique (especially for tourism)...so how is this done? Where does it say there is no art in Mex cities? Mex cities is all about prefab housing an communities very, very quickly. Tourism isn't really about visiting the buildings but the people and places around the city.

"The main office is the Council Office where the councillors and their advisors organise new colony policy and sort out problems on planet." change "The main building is the Council Office where councillors and their advisors organise new policy and manage planetary issues." Done

"Also with a foothold on planet are the Star Civ who have their headquarters here too." change "The Star Civ also have a headquarters here as well." done

"souvenir shops" change "commercial shopping" or "retail shops" Done

"Local populace normally leave the inflated prices of the Home Gate for the tourists and live elsewhere." change "The local populace tends to avoid the inflated Home Gate prices and live elsewhere, leaving plenty of space for visitors and guests." Prefer mine

"star craft docking facility" change "star dock" Done

"ceramic-metal" "cermet" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cermet Actually, a different sort of error, should read: poly-ceramic-alloy

"Also situated on the edge of a city, the Hauler port the way in which a city transports good around on the planet surface." change "Also situated on the edge of the city, the Hauler port is how goods are transported around the planet." Done

"The space between the Mex buildings are packed with traffic" change "The space between the Mex buildings is packed with traffic" Done

PAGE 46

PAGE 47

PAGE 48

"Meshrunners are not included in this book as a character class as they fit into a very specific sort of campaign setting." dont be a tease! "Meshrunners are not detailed in the ICAR game setting." I am a tease

"Player characters can also gain Meshrunners as contacts," "Meshrunners make useful contacts," Done

"although Meshrunners are wary of anyone outside of the Mesh." change "although they are wary of anyone ouside of their Mesh." It's not really theirs

"and is used for detecting biological problem" change "and is used for detecting a biological problem" Done

PAGE 49

** Lots of use of the word "Normally", try to re-word. Done

"A Colony is normally spread across and above a planet’s surface." change "A prosurface colony spreads across and above the planets surface." Done

"Large space craft that cannot enter atmosphere either dock to an Orb or Orbital from where they can quickly and easily Light Jump to other systems." change "Large space craft that cannot re-enter a planets atmosphere dock at an Orb (or Orbital), where they can undock and Light Jump to other systems." Re-entry is very earth-centric of you. These space craft never came from the surface, so they cannot re-enter it.

"the huge, heavy" remove Done

"(only for thousands of miles at speed and not shown)" remove (maybe) Reworded

PAGE 50

Raising taxes is inflation, inflation was mentioned earlier as being unheard of (page 38). Raising taxes is not inflation

** If there are no banks, no stock markets, yet corporations exist? Corporations exist in a free society for the sole purpose of entrepreneurship and to generate profit and build wealth. Without such things, a corporation would not make profit and therefore wouldn't exist. ICAR is not a free society? Instead it must be some other form of society with elected officials, as it is not democracy. Allowing citizens to HAVE money, and yet NOT allow them to profit by it is a contradiction. Why have money and instead just grade citizens by a pay class, and give them NO money at all?

Hang on, lots of terms in there, let's unravel them. Corporations exist on the core level of accepting cash for providing goods or a service. You don't need stock markets or banks for that. It is democratic only at the colony level, not at the Imperial level. you can have money and make more of it perfectly fine without banks and the stock market. While doing my PhD, I argued out the Imperial Credit system with someone doing a PhD in economics and he thought it was sound - given the technological constraints.

PAGE 52

Orbs could be Dyson Spheres (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyson_sphere) Similar to but not really the same thing. More a sphere version of Rama

(I am reading through these, sticking things on my to do list and will reply properly when i come to actually do some updates) Thank you Viz!