Thanks for all the feedback (especially the layout stuff, I think that was on of those things that don't seem obvious until someone points it out to you. Might drop you a message about that in the future like you said.). Looking back at it, it does seem more board-gamey than role-playey, I can't really see where I was going with that. Will have a think about what kind of outside threats and terrainey things to add in (aah! giant spiders!)and the cards and stuff, they all seem like awesome ideas. Basically, everything is much appreciated Ta muchly!
The joy of the 24 Hour competition is that you have no idea where you're going at the start. You don't have much time to ponder, you must just DO IT! Sometimes people go off the plot because the hot rush of inspiration guides them. Sure, they might not win but that's not all that important (it's only £30!), it's more that you've got 24 hours to do it.