Me being from Texas, here comes another.
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered. "So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said "Well, it might be OK in California or New York but we're not having any of that crap in Texas."
jokes
by Broken » Wed Apr 28, 2004 1:50 am
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What are Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President
#2 Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
#3 We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
#4 The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
#5 And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
#1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President
#2 Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
#3 We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.
#4 The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.
#5 And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.
- Broken
- Squirrel Monkey
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- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 1:02 am
- Location: Denton, Tx
by Broken » Wed Apr 28, 2004 1:54 am
this is a joke about cowboys, in order to get it you have to know what it is to "dip" and to have dip such as Skoal, Copenhagen, etc.
Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her sorority sisters she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State. She wanted >to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que, take in a bona fide rodeo, and have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared. "Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's oh so good. The taste is unbelievable!" "And, I went to a real rodeo...Talk about athletes! Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop then jump off the horses and grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!" They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?" "Are you kidding? Once I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her sorority sisters she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State. She wanted >to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que, take in a bona fide rodeo, and have sex with a real cowboy.
Upon her return, her sorority sisters were curious as to how she fared. "Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's oh so good. The taste is unbelievable!" "And, I went to a real rodeo...Talk about athletes! Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop then jump off the horses and grab the bulls by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!" They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?" "Are you kidding? Once I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"
- Broken
- Squirrel Monkey
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2004 1:02 am
- Location: Denton, Tx
by TinyHandsTinyKnots » Mon May 03, 2004 9:32 pm
I'm back with some more jokes, sorry for the delay anyone out there who is enjoying them.
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger. "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your
fellow passenger."
Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger. "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.
"A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Reverend Anthony J. Lee
- TinyHandsTinyKnots
- Howler
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- Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 7:06 pm
- Location: Austin, Texas
by TinyHandsTinyKnots » Mon May 03, 2004 9:33 pm
To prove his love for her, he swam the deepest river, crossed the widest desert and climbed the highest mountain.
She divorced him.
He was never home.
She divorced him.
He was never home.
Reverend Anthony J. Lee
- TinyHandsTinyKnots
- Howler
- Posts: 328
- Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 7:06 pm
- Location: Austin, Texas
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