jokes

by **napalm** » Wed Apr 21, 2004 10:50 am

anyone hear any good jokes lately?
i was in the mood to laugh......help me out.

by **NeverDie** » Wed Apr 21, 2004 11:00 am

So this baby seal walks into a club...

by **General Lee** » Thu Apr 22, 2004 1:33 am

I have some good ones but I don't know if I should repeat them on this site.

by **napalm** » Thu Apr 22, 2004 12:31 pm

well, lets get some PG-13 jokes up in this mutha then.

by **Jeph** » Thu Apr 22, 2004 2:27 pm

So Noah parks his ark on the mountain, flings open the gangway, and says to his animals, "Be fruitful and multiply!" So they all rush out and start going about it, except for a pair of snakes in the back. Noah walks up to them and asks why they aren't being fruitful and multiplying.

"We can't multiply because we're addars!" they say.

So Noah things for a minute, then goes to cut down some trees. His son comes up to him and says, "Hey Noah! What're you cutting down that tree for?"

"Well," Noah says, "I'm building a log table so that the addars can multiply!"

:: Badum-dum ::

by **Juicetyger** » Thu Apr 22, 2004 3:11 pm

You make me sad.

by **General Lee** » Fri Apr 23, 2004 5:09 am

I think that some of my jokes may make baby Jesus cry.

by **TinyHandsTinyKnots** » Sat Apr 24, 2004 1:06 pm

A man with a giant orange for half of his head walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Hey! What the hell happened to you buddy?"
The man says "well, I was rumaging through some old stuff when I came across a lamp. I rubbed it and *poof*! Out pops a genie and he grants me three wishes!"
"and what did you wish for?" the bartender asks.
"With my first wish," the guy says, "I asked for every woman I ever met to be madly in love with me and want me. All of a sudden I was surrounded by all of these women!
"With my second wish I asked for a million dollars that I could never lose and could never be stolen. BAM! I was rich.
"And for my third wish, I wished that half of my head was a giant orange.

by **TinyHandsTinyKnots** » Sat Apr 24, 2004 1:08 pm

This one might be a bit off color, but I had to try. Sorry if anyone is offended.

Mr. and Mrs. Whale are swimming along in the ocean when they come across some stranded sailors in a lifeboat. Mr. says to Mrs. Whale, "Hey, go blow some bubbles under their boat and see what happens!"
"I don't know," Mrs. Whale says, "well, ok." So she gets right under the boat and start blowing bubbles. Suddenly the boat turns over and all the sailors are in the water.
"That was Great!" Mr. Whale says, " Hey, eat some and see how they taste!"
"Look," says Mrs. Whale, "I went along with your blow job but NO WAY am I going to swallow any Seamen"

by **TinyHandsTinyKnots** » Sat Apr 24, 2004 1:11 pm

Once again, sorry if anyone is offended, but the language is hedged by using an accent. Hope that works out for anyone.

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greeting him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of the identity of the golfing pro.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everything!"

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