jokes

[TinyHandsTinyKnots]

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said "6'", replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

[TinyHandsTinyKnots]

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 8 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except his "thingie." So he decided to do something about it.
He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand, except for his "thingie" which he left sticking up.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the "thingie" sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world."
The other lady asked what she meant.
She said, when I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I begged for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too
old to squat

[mekara48]

Man you just have to love these jokes, they're awesome!! keepem comin

[mekara48]

[Juicetyger]

[General Lee]

[TinyHandsTinyKnots]

Im sorry guys, Jeremy was right, our computer it seemed, had a virus that was stopping me from connecting. All's well now, but I'm glad to know that my work is appreciated. I'll work on some more.

[TinyHandsTinyKnots]

OK, first something quick to wet the appetites.

A company boss has to decide who to lay off. He decides on two low level management employees Jack or Karen. He goes to Karen and says, "I will have to lay you or Jack off."

[TinyHandsTinyKnots]

This is for Jeremy and all the others who can't ride the rollercoasters.

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel.
The first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."
The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems?"
"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

[TinyHandsTinyKnots]

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, Cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat. remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen."