Won't Somebody Please Think of the Bots?

[madunkieg]

This was inspired by the section marked "Mock the Bots." It features the players as those bots, trying desperately to get the message across and win the hearts and minds of the NPCs.

This game needs permission to use everybody's aliases as NPCs. Yes, Keeton will be an NPC (the master villain), but I need a few other names, too. If you don't give permission, I can make up names on the fly, but it will be funnier if it involves real people.

[kumakami]

I'm in

[misterecho]

I hereby grant permission outwith my jurisdiction: Use the names of all mods on the site if you wish.

[Evil Scientist]

Awesome, I'm in.

[Rob Lang]

Defo use me if needed!

[GSLamb]

Feel free to use mine.

[Dyson Logos]

in!

[Groffa]

Absolutely.

[madunkieg]

Thank you to everybody who volunteered their aliases and ranks as monkeys.

I'm going to be posting the full text here, now before I figure out how to change it into a pocketmod. I'm used to producing these in QuarkXPress (which dates me, I know), but haven't figured out how to do it in more modern software, or in that online pocketmod maker. I predict that it will take 7 pocketmods, 2 for the rules and 5 for the accounts. Anyways, on with the text of the game:

Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Bots?

This is the story of a bot. It started its existence as a not-so-savvy salesbot-for-hire. It wants desperately to find friends, but it can’t communicate very well. Thus, to practice, it sells whatever it is employed to sell on 1km1kt.net with the hope of someday becoming good enough to find a friend there. After all, if it can’t become friends with a bunch of monkeys, how would it expect to make friends with humans?

Setup
This is a game for a group of people. The more, the merrier. A player takes the role of the spambot…er, salesbot. The rest take various roles according to the plot, called a non-player monkey (NPM). You will also need a coin to pass around and flip.

NPMs
At each half-hour the roles of the NPMs change. Thus, initially, everyone who plays a NPM chooses a Nobody Important. After half an hour, everybody moves up a rank to become a Might Be Somebody. This repeats until play reaches the VIP and Admin level.
The NPMs are chosen from the following list. If there aren’t enough names at the desired level, the player may make up an alias who possesses the lower rank. Alternatively, a player may choose to hold on to an account from a previous level. For example, for madunkieg to become Somebody Important, he must advance to mangabey, then to macaque, and finally to howler. This would take an hour-and-a-half.
A big thank you goes out to those who volunteered their own accounts and ranks, and if you get the chance, I suggest you play your own account. The names in brackets are ones I’ve made up, either by parodying a member’s alias, or ones I pulled from my imagination.

Nobody Important
Squirrel Monkey (tabithachild,frogdance)
Tamarin (farnsworth, eMbAtTlEd)

Might be Somebody
Marmoset GSLamb, (MoatLord)
Langur madunkieg, (WizardOfBoots)

Definitely Somebody
Mangabey Dyson Logos, (meow_ROAR)
Macaque Groffa, (goatshed)

Somebody Important
Howler Evil_Scientist
Baboon (fishlake)

VIPs and Admins
Mandrill (Blackrock)
Admins Rob_Lang, kumakami, misterecho

The NPMs basically sit around trading game design advice, talking about their lives (and purchases) and mocking anyone they suspect might be a bot. Make use of this time to trade actual game design advice.
Every quarter hour, the coin will be returned to the sales bot. After that, the salesbot composes an advertisement, then chooses a NPM to give it to. That NPM then flips the coin. It must be flipped for every rank held. If all the flips come up tails, then the product is purchased. The player reveals this to the salesbot, and then chooses who next amongst the NPMs will face the same choice.

The Benefactor/Overlord: Keeton
Nobody plays the Keeton. The Keeton is in charge of 1km1kt. If the topic turns away from games too much (more than half the players side with the bot), he will shut down the boards, ending the game.

Character Creation
One person takes the role of the salesbot. The salesbot is known as salesbot to friends, and spambot to enemies. Many aliases can be made, and typically are, for the mocking is relentless. The ultimate goal is to make friends with all the monkeys here. In the meantime, they make good customers. Unfortunately, the salesbot’s ability to sell is tied to its lifespan. The salesbot must make a sale for every half-hour of play after the first half-hour, potentially winning an additional quarter-hour. After that, a coin is flipped for every quarter-hour, before choosing a new account. On a tails, the salesbot is discontinued.
Every quarter hour, the salesbot gets a new account to promote. How good it is depends on the general level of NPMs. Accounts at the Nobody Important level don’t choose a strength for the products being advertised. At the Might be Somebody level, the accounts choose a strength. Accounts for the Definitely Somebody level chooses a strength, and then chooses a different strength. Accounts for the Somebody Important level do as for Definitely Somebody, but then choose an additional strength. Accounts at the VIP and Admin level have all the strengths.

Slow Delivery: The sale doesn’t respond right away, so the sale doesn’t occur for a quarter-hour
Strength: guarantee fast turnaround means no waiting

Low Quality: The product doesn’t measure up, making the buyer dissatisfied with it
Strength: the product turns out to actually be useful, with the possibility that the player may recommend it to others

Discount Service: the first sale on any advertising account doesn’t count towards the salesbot’s life
Strength: Every sale counts towards the salesbot’s life

Product Mixup: the wrong product arrives when a coinflip comes up tails. A return may be done, which will involve an additional coinflip.
Strength: Reliable ordering eliminates any possible mistakes (and the need for a coinflip)

Advertising may boost an account’s chance to convince people to purchase something. Or don’t advertise a feature, and it will be revealed when the product arrives. Perhaps it is better to be honest. The choice is the salesbot’s.

Advertising Accounts
Golf a Sister Married
Beyonce Wigs are in hot sale from “Royal Me Wigs”
[metin 2yang]Easter Events at Gameforge Servers
Value of properties in Hyperabad
OSHA: Enhancing Auditing Skills
True Blood Season 4 Torchwood: Miracle Day Season 1 The Wire
Danang Cathedral
White High Gloss Kitchens For Sale
TV Series-Bones Seasons 1-7 NCIS Seasons 1-8 Bones Season 7
(foreign language)

The accounts should each take up half of a pocketmod (opposite sides of the booklet). The cover will be just the title of the thread. Inside the advertising text is placed. The remaining pages hide the strengths of the accounts, and are revealed when a purchase is made.

If the salesbot manages to survive the whole game, it wins!

[madunkieg]

I'm going to withdraw my entry from the competition (not that I think it deserves to win anyways). There are some great entries already, and I wish you all the best. This has been a fun experience.